Ephemera Vol. LXXIV: Your favorite literary vampire

If I had a girlfriend I would let her come over to my animal crossing town and if she stepped on my flowers I would not get mad even though it is very annoying like how hard is it to not step on flowers wtf are you doing but I would not get annoyed
— Ching (@Hotline_Ching) January 8, 2020

JULIE: “How was your day at work?”
ME:

Newborn orangutan baby.

Two elderly British ladies greeting each other pic.twitter.com/4SKjRhLj6j
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) January 27, 2021

Her: Who's your favourite literary vampire?
Me: The one in Sesame Street
Her: He doesn't count
Me: I can assure you that he does
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) August 6, 2021

“Quickie pizza” made on an English muffin [1956]

This is tasty. I ate it a lot when I was a kid. American cheese, oregano, canned tomato sauce, heat it in the toaster-oven. White toast works fine if there’s no English muffin.

I hate when people ask me if my baby is a “good baby” like no he bets on illegal dog races and stabbed a kid at the playground
— Mom Meh Dearest🤦🏼‍♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) June 14, 2021

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