Any zombie movie that doesn't have hordes of people running towards the zombies to deliberately get bitten because they're convinced it's a liberal hoax is going to look pretty unrealistic now.
— The Slothmare Before Christmas (@CaseyExplosion) June 27, 2020
the government should give us each $8,000 not because that’s how much a batman pinball machine costs it’s for a different reason
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) March 31, 2020
🔥 An octopus has no bones and can squeeze into anything it’s beak will fit into. from NatureIsFuckingLit
My mom got fed up and said she’d cancel Christmas if she finds the blocks rearranged to spell anything that’s not "holiday themed" from funny
Smoking a “doobie?”
Can’t wait for April 15 2021 when the government is like “ok time to pay us for that year where we failed you in every way imaginable and 300,000 of you died” sir i would like to cancel my subscription
— eli yudin (@eliyudin) December 9, 2020
But who woke the knocker-ups?
Before alarm clocks, a knocker-up was a profession where people were employed to wake workers up with a long stick. England and Ireland. Late 1920s [1000 x 750] from HistoryPorn
Police photograph of a young Stalin, taken in 1902 when he was 23 years old. [1164×1941] from HistoryPorn
2 Pound Scramble! This is one breakfast intended for sharing! 🍳 pic.twitter.com/VExyGucQmV
— Chefclub Network (@ChefclubNetwork) October 9, 2020
My serious comment on this bacon-cheese-scrambled egg meal: It looks delicious. The presentation is extremely clever. Yes, it would be terribly unhealthy to eat it every day. So don’t.
Some of the replies are very funny.
Nobody: What’s your favorite paradox?
Me: If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up. However, in doing so, he lets you down. Thus creating the Astley Paradox.
— Alenora (@spunkyturnip) June 28, 2020
Wisdom from Herman Munster
An apparition appears in your room, alongside a more successful looking doppelganger of yourself.
Apparition: " – and THIS is what you would be!"
Doppelganger: "Oh my god! Spare me these twisted visions, specter! I've learned my lesson!"
(both vanish)
You: Hey what the fuck
— Plague Of Gripes (@PlagueOfGripes) December 23, 2018
This person sold their VHS player on eBay and got a surprise letter in the mailbox from WhitePeopleTwitter
I've Tweeted this before but in light of the WSJ op-ed I thought I'd re-up this deposition of my mother in 1984. pic.twitter.com/QnbdWElvE1
— Conor Dougherty (@ConorDougherty) December 12, 2020
